If you haven’t read the first of my “headspace” series, you should probably go back and read that one first, as it’s referenced in today’s post. I’ve decided to post a more real blog here, about my personal journey of trying to get pregnant.
(and p.s. Thanks for all the response from the first one! Really means a lot!)
To catch up from the last — I had just gotten myself to:
LIFE LESSON #1
There are some things in life that we can control, but there are others that are simply out of our control, and we have to be ok with that. Life with kids can sometimes be out of control, and if we’re not ok with that, we’d never last!
We have some friends who dropped their kids off for a slumber party, then went out for date night, only to get a phone call not much later telling them that both kids were throwing up uncontrollably, and had to be picked up. So, date night came to a screeching halt, and turned into a vile car ride home and a slumber party in their bedroom, with kids and buckets on the floor. (Loved your IG post about this S&A!)
So, a few months ago, I deleted the ovulation app I mentioned in the last post. Removed it from my phone completely. Not even going on the ovulation bit, I realized I liked the app also because it warned me when my period might be coming, so I could be prepared. Reminder: I was on birth control for over 20 years, and knew exactly when my period was going to come, every time! I have thought about the fact that I likely still have an account… that even though I deleted the app, I could probably check online, log in, and see when my last period was and see when I might expect the next to show up, and then I stopped myself. I never let it get past my head, I never even looked up if the app has a website, but I realized, that’s a control I don’t need to have either. Let it come when it comes. And, hopefully it doesn’t! 😉
Just to throw it out there — I used the app pictured above — it's called Clue. I did like it, and would recommend it to those not quite as neurotic as I! It has a lot of great features, and you're able to track lots of things, and get fun little insights along the way. AND... it get's smarter the more you use it! So, if you're looking for one, for whatever reason, do go check it out!
Anyways, I divert... I have also made peace with myself that baby can come whenever baby wants to come! There are so many little things that have to line up just perfectly to get pregnant, then carrying that baby past the first trimester — that being the most crucial and vulnerable time for a miscarriage — and then having a smooth and successful birth is a lot to ask for in itself! And then I’m telling my body that I don’t want a December baby?! Beggars can’t be choosers, and this will happen when my body is ready and able.
I really started to notice that I like to be in the know. I like to have control. I’m not very good at letting go, or letting loose anymore! It shows up physically for me as well, in that my body is tense, my shoulders are tight, my back is weak. I like to say that I used to be free of that — I can remember back to my college days, and there’s a part of me that wishes I could jump back into that world, that care free, fun loving, not super responsible time in my life. And it was fun! I was living my life, and enjoying it 100%.
So, that brings us from life lesson #1, to…
LIFE LESSON #2
Live in the now, be present. Relax. Enjoy life.
Stay tuned for my revelations out of life lesson #2 — there are some good ones!