This blog is part of a series of my personal journey. I’m posting every now and again about my journey of getting pregnant, my discoveries in the process with the intention to connect with others who might be going through the same thing. It’s also of course an outlet for me, to get things out on the table, to be real and vulnerable — but more importantly, I hope it can show others they’re not alone, even in the silence. With that, if you haven’t read my first and second posts (linked as related posts), those would be good to read first.
So, picking up from life lesson #2:
Life Lesson #2.
Live in the now, be present. Relax. Enjoy life.
It is so so important to live in the present. I’m sure you’ve all heard it a million times, but what do we really have, besides now? I spend so much of my day in my head, thinking about stuff that happened in the past, stressing over things coming in the future…
I have noticed (this was not a new discovery!) that my mind never stops. I’m thinking about things all day every day. Strategizing, thinking of business ideas, propositions, to do lists, giving myself a hard time about this or that, why I haven’t been more successful, why I can’t seem to get myself out of my comfort zone, should I buy that thing I found online today, it's a good price, but do I need it, I probably shouldn't, but I really want it... maybe if I return some other things, (is there something to return?!), how can I make some quick money, no, I need to just focus on my business and really develop that more, etc. etc. etc. I go to bed each night, and it’s still going, I wake up in the morning, and it’s right back at it the instant I open my eyes. If it's bad, like last night — it literally keeps me up and I can't get to sleep. All this pointing at how much I’m in my head. I’m not “out there” with people, being in the present. Living my life. I’m more concerned about whether or not we’re paying our bills, or my looking good (not just physically, but how what I do or say might affect how people see me).
I haven't ever really considered this stress, but maybe it is! Have you heard too, that we often don't consider ourselves stressed, when in fact we are? Last night, as I was laying there wide awake in bed (but still yawning mind you!), I was trying to get myself to focus just on my breath. That wouldn't last long, and I'd have to bring my focus back, and back again, and back again. I don't seem to know how to get out of this circle just yet.
And, if we want to call it that... I really do believe stress can hinder fertility. I don't know if this is proven per se or not, but it sure makes a lot of sense to me. Why would a baby want to grow in a ball of stressful energy?! I’ve really been focusing on reducing my stress levels — I'm taking time for myself; I taught myself how to sew, how to knit and crochet. I'm learning how to relax, and stop working through the evening and weekends. I've been journaling more and have started meditating with an app I downloaded to lead me on guided meditations. To be completely honest, I have never been too attracted to meditating! Sitting still without thinking of anything, just listening to my breath… I just don’t have time for that! It really takes something for me to turn my brain off sometimes, but I do think it's incredibly powerful to have that control! So, from a recommendation from a good friend, I downloaded the app Insight Timer. And, I found this incredible 10 minute meditation I (try to) listen to every morning.
Something I really love about it, is it includes 7 affirmations to have a "magical day." And, they really resinated with me. If you're interested, check it out here!
As I let go of some of this crazy control, I do find myself feeling lighter. I of course go through ebbs and flows, but I notice that in order to get everything done in the day that I want, I really need structure. It kind of reminds me of raising kids (well — seeing my friends raise their kids, since I obviously don't have any yet!). Kids thrive with structure. It's not to remove any spontaneity, but rather to give them guidance and direction. As the first affirmation goes (in the meditation I mentioned above):
"I make plans, but I remain flexible and open to the surprises that life has in store for me. I try to say yes as often as possible."
So, with that, live in the now, be present. Relax. Enjoy life.